She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
