Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
