yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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