You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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