I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
