The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
