i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
