Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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