I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
