god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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