I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
