I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
