Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
