Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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