i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
