i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
