i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Randomize
