Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
