so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
