I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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