Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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