Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
