i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
