I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
