Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We left the knife in your bed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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