you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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