I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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