my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
