you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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