No stitches, just platelets and will power
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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