Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
