Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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