Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize