She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
