I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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