How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
