I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
