I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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