It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
