is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
