people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
