Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
