where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
