it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
