when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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