since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
