..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
