meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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