Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
