A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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