Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
