If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
