im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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