im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
