I'm lost and stupid without you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
