Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
