i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
