im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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