I just cut my nipple shaving
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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