About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
