where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
