I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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