White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
