So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
