we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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