i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
