there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
