well I can't set my house on fire every night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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