We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I sprained my soul last night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
