You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
